Bhumika Desai Shah

Motherhood- What all you need to know!

In About ME, social Issue, Uncategorized on November 1, 2018 at 5:43 am

Image result for  baby blues after maternity

What is common between Serena Williams, Beyoncé and Me?

We are speaking out about post pregnancy trauma which is also called Postnatal depression, Baby blues or postpartum challenge. Know the difference between these possible depressions? have a look-

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Don’t google what these words mean if you don’t know it already! Let me explain it slowly..

Every woman dreams about motherhood and her babies at certain age. The traditions, cultural, society, movies, books- everyone has said fascinating experiences about being mother. Like-

“mother is as divine as God”

“The best feeling in the world is feeling your baby inside your body and holding baby in your hands first time!”

“Seeing your baby growing up is happiness. Spending time with your baby is divine!”

“A mother can sacrifice anything for her kid! ANYTHING!”

“After pregnancy a mother is born. She lives only for her kids. “

“A perfect mother creates a perfect and happy family!”

Above stated are just few glorified statements!

Just few!

We have heard sooooooo much about motherhood but we have heard only good-rosy side of it.

Has ever someone told a mother-to-be that-

“Life will be upside down after the baby!”

“You won’t ever again get sound sleep for coming 2-3 years. “

“Your priorities will change and you will have zero time for self, forget career or passion.”

“Your body will never be back as it was. Even after losing weight it will never be same as it was.”

“You will feel constant guilt for doing/not doing/not doing at par something or other thing for the baby!”

“You will be judged and labeled for everything baby does or does not do. “

The list can go loooong!

So in short we are never counseled about blues we will have to face after motherhood. So what?

So…

Every first time mommy goes through emotional stigma which even she don’t know exactly about.

Even after second child, mommies go through same distress. Why?

First- No fact sharing about troubles before and after delivery.

Second- No or little cooperation from family members in bringing up the little baby.

Talking about the first reason- what do you think, what all changed woman go through before/after delivery? Let me list few-

During 9 months of pregnancy- she does..

  • Gain lots and lots of weight
  • Her body changes and she goes through constant pain here or there
  • Countless sleepless nights make it worse
  • She can’t eat her favorite(even normal) food
  • She can’t continue doing all her normal/regular activities- slowly her motions starts getting restricted for the safety of baby
  • She is responsible to do yoga-Dhyan-read spiritual books to instill good values in soon-coming-baby. SHE ONLY!
  • She can’t take medicines if has headache-body ache or anything!
  • She has to stop having tea-coffee as it can give her acidity.
  • She is puke-ready everytime, ready to puke regardless time-place knowledge.

Fewwwwww- list is long. Though not every woman goes through same. Exceptions are also there!

Believe me it’s not easy to deal with them all. Have been through it twice.

Talking about second point- little or no cooperation from family front.

In our society-traditions raising a kid is a mother’s job. She is given the honor of GOD to make her understand she no more owns her life.

Feeding baby, changing nappies n-number of times, cleaning baby, bathing the little one, making baby sleep, soothing crying baby, playing with baby, helping baby learn things slowly- EVERYTHING HING. She is responsible to do everything. Worst is if the baby becomes ill, she is answerable!

It’s difficult. Most of the time families try to support but don’t provide adequate support. Most families advice the mother to be with baby 24*7 and they support by doing household duties. Or help little by playing with kid for few minutes till he/she starts crying loudly. We need to understand that the mother not just need bodily rest but also mental peace. She should be given some HER TIME. The time when baby is with some family member regularly and mother can do something she enjoys or just not-do-anything and chill. Families need to support by doing every bit they can do for baby as mother is already doing everything and only way to relax her is giving her some space and peace.

Other than above stated two topics what caused depression at core is judgments-comments-labels-gossips around the new mother. About -how she is failing being good mother, how she is not taking good care of baby, how she can’t calm her crying baby, how her baby is ill very frequent and she is careless about it, how she has started working or spending time on self despite having baby! I wonder they(read society!) will even worry when the mother breathes air as she could spend that energy-time for baby instead!

Serena Williams has talked about her agony on her Instagram page- how she constantly feels that she is not being a good mother or she is failing being a perfect mother. Same is story with Beyoncé. Alike I have also been through! I am sure many of you readers have experienced it but never discussed it in fear of being judged or labeled – not-a-good mother.

Ladies- it’s time to talk.

Talk about our pains and our emotional outbursts. It’s time to slam the “mother is god” –“Perfect mom”-“super mom”-“sacrificing mom”- all the labels back on their face. As we don’t seek their certificates and mother is human and entitled to all humanly feelings!

Let’s be Human only and stop being god, super mom or Balidan ki Devi for the sake of society.

Above all let’s take care of all mom-to-be or moms about to go through or going through this phase.

Image result for mother

Let’s spread facts and help fight the fury!

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दो लोग – गुलज़ार at his Best!

In Uncategorized on March 30, 2018 at 12:39 pm

Reading poems of Gulzar sir is divine feeling. Reading short stories of Gulzar sir is heavenly travel through touching humanly emotions. Reading Novel written by Gulzar Sir was an experience never before. Like dwelling in thousands of emotions and carrying countless feelings- emotions and feelings of characters and stories.

Before reading DO Log, I had read – half a rupee stories and Ravi par ki kahaniya – both collection of short stories by Gulzarsir. Even I have loved reading poem collections by Gulzarsir and hence had been eagerly waiting to read Do Log novel.

Before starting this novel I had not gone through any review and had no presumption about story line. As reading Gulzarsir in Hindi is more appealing considering Urdu words majorly used- I had preferred reading this novel also in Hindi. When first I took this book in my hands the tag line provoked thousands of thoughts within me.

Do Log- Hum ek the. Ek alag ho gaya. Ab hum do Log hain.

Such simple words yet such a deep meaning.

The novel is based on India-Pakistan partition era. I have read many books on partition theme and found most of them biased towards one community or the other. And hence starting reading this one generated same feelings into me. I was curious to know how Gulzarsir would talk about partition as he has been through that era-pain-suffering. We all have just read about partition and loss during partition time but only those who have loved that can justify the true emotions well.

The book started narrating stories of many characters during 1946. Stories of different characters- simple-alike us. The characters whose names could make us associate certain religion with them but their conduct-nature-humanity put them all same-equal. The characters who lived different life before partition yet loved their motherland.

The story grew up in the background of a small town called Kembalpur (Atak originally, in Pakistan after partition). In this small town many families of different religions-Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian- lived together their own lives. The story grew slowly talking about many emotions such as- religion, friendship, hate, jealousy, satisfaction, sacrifice etc. the strong narration of characters and bond between them makes those character live inside reader forever. Every character is glorified with own circumstances-emotions-misery without any bias.

The simplicity of story is its boost. Slowly story reached to 1947 and consequences of Britishers leaving India- breaking India into two parts. The pain and confusion of people is perfectly narrated in small and effective incidents. People, regardless their religion, show strong love-bond for their mother-land and despite of partition based on religion- feel reluctant to relocate. Such a pure love!

From reach to poor, from lonely ones to families- how lives got shattered is described in depth. Many characters of Kempbalpur have to relocate to India as now their mother land is going to be called Pakistan. The misery and pain is beyond description yet the simple characters and simple incidents convey it strongly.

The migration of Refugees starts and lacs of shattered poor souls live their origin- not knowing where they are heading. Many get killed-raped-robbed in their travel and many die of the pain. Many reach to the new land, which is not their own. The misery and pain to settle at new place being refugee, re rooting self – becomes life long process.

The story keeps all characters and their tangled threads alive till end. It shows their resettlement in India and their struggle as well.

What is strongly showcased is the fact that- those souls who had left their roots could never re root to new place even after decades. The pain and memories haunted them forever.

Slowly story progresses to 80s talking about Indira Gandhi murder and the post anti-Sikh riots. The suffering of the same characters who were still struggling in making their shelters -their nests – is painful.

The entire story unbiasedly narrates how humanity is killed in era of partition. How one nation was divided in two like two brothers got separated. How those two brothers who got separated could never unite- or live peaceful life ever. How both nations kept burning on name of religion years after years!

A must read for all.

A treat for eyes and brain. A thought provoking one- an eye opener as well.

🙂

Soul Freedom…

In Uncategorized on March 29, 2018 at 4:06 pm

She was looking out from the window. Since morning, she was looking out of the window, like she is waiting for someone or something.

All of a sudden her mobile buzzed and her thought processing got disturbed. “Medicine reminder”- blinked on her smart phone and she kinda smiled thinking of how much she is dependent on her smart phone. Perhaps she is spending most of her time with it, sharing all her wild-grey secrets through it, sleeps with it and holds it when wakes up. Like a soul mate! And She started laughing with this thought- smart phone is such a soul mate that you can select based on qualities-features-comparisons, try it hands on and “purchase” it, even can change it after few years when latest model is available! Irony…

She moved out to balcony and switched on music, though she was not listening to whatever being played on her smart phone. Like her soul mate was singing to cheer her up but she was not interested at all. She was as usual looking at her favorite spot- the garden of the nearby house. Her neighbors had developed beautiful garden and had many pets as well. A cute dog, an adorable rabbit, a beautiful parrot and lot many lovely flowers. Though she was only interested in looking at the parrot. The parrot was placed in a very beautiful colorful cage hanging on a huge tree in middle of the garden. The parrot was fed regularly its favorite food. The parrot chirped in lovely voice.

What made her concerned was- the dog and rabbit could roam around freely in garden and often taken out with family for outing. But the fate of parrot was only inside the cage. beautiful, colorful but still cage. She always thought – what parrot must be thinking about outer world. Won’t the little bird dream of flying high in open sky? Wish I could free the little parrot…

But all she could do was- stare at the cage and the parrot.

***

“Dad, keep calm… You need to be strong. You have to be positive. I know its tough but you have to try! Its just tough time and it will pass soon. Have patient! And after few days I will have vacation and I will be there with you soon. Just hold on till then.”- She said to her dad. Her dad was listening carefully without responding.

She knew, her dad was breaking down day by day. But she thought her dad is fighter and they have unlimited time to sort out the issues and mess. Her father was operated as he had gangrene in left leg. He lost his leg and  movements. He was bedridden. He was loosing his hopes to live and he awaited for her daughter to help him out. To help him out to walk once again. But all she did was ordering an artificial costly leg for her father. He was seeking her company and she sent him an artificial body part. Though she promised him to visit him soon. He tried walking on artificial leg but his body denied accepting it. His dreams of walking again, living again got shattered but.. But he said nothing. No one knew what he is going through. He lived his hell inside silently. He ached for her family to support him to live again. But… He wanted his daughter to hold his hand and help him walk, like he holded her hand when she was little one and could not walk. But He had accepted the fact that no one has time, the bed is his destiny, he cant walk again.

Dependency is Death. He wanted to die. And his will became so strong that one fine morning… When his daughter finally got some time, a vacation and was on her way to meet him.. He left this dependency and freed his soul.

***

She kept on walking inside her huge compound. Heart burn was making her evening tough. She was due in May and the 8th month proved to be subtle. She could not drive her activa or car. She was not allowed to do job. She was not allowed to go on long journey. She was advised to rest at home.

Her hubby and baby took lot care of her. Yet she felt suffocated. She had books to read, TV to watch, Family to talk, good food to eat.. But she was feeling suffocated. They call it mood swings, pregnancy mood swings. She ached for something. Something pained her terribly despite of being happy and content with family-life-soon to be coming baby! She tried to convince her that she is overreacting and she must keep happy whole time. Apparently she had no reason to feel frustrated-annoyed or sad.

She put on music little louder to suppress her inner voices..

FREEDOM! – Her soul shouted loud.

Freedom to move around on own will and wish, Creativity to do what you love , Keeping busy in the work you are best at- is missing-  Her soul added silently.

She knew, she was dependent just for a month or two.. Yet she felt chocked.

And She gazed out of balcony straight to that colorful cage and parrot- who will never fly.. And she closed her eyes and missed her dad who died of physical-emotional dependency and will to be free.

She visualized her dad and herself in the same cage where the parrot was.

***

FREEDOM!

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