Bhumika Desai Shah

Socialization- why so anti-social?

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on September 23, 2015 at 4:26 am

“So, Besides books and blogs- how you see yourself?”-A blogger buddy asked while we were discussing over regular writing and all.

“Lot more! Books, Blogs, Music, Movies, and suffering at socialization- sums up Me.”-I replied being very honest.

The conversation ended with recommending books to each other. Somehow I closely connect with the souls who connect with books and blogging.

And my mind had started tickling from the last line.

Since when I started struggling in socializing? And I started revisiting pages of my own life, Like time travel.


And all I could see was-

A little chubby girl. A girl who always stood in top three in her class. A girl who enjoyed taking part in quiz, debates, elocution-this and that- everything. A girl who was always surrounded with lots of friends. A girl who adored her family and loves to visit cousins on every vacations. A girl whose parents felt high and proud for her. Outspoken, tomboyish, emotional, intellect girl.

Yes, She sounded to be social. * Past tense*


And with the bitter reality of past tense I came back to senses. And started thinking again- Since when I started struggling with socialization?

And while thinking the answer I checked my mails, replied back professionally. I also checked my Instagram and liked certain posts- not observing minor details or commenting on. I also checked notification on twitter and reverted back as required. Yes, approved comments on blog too. Answered few Quora questions too.

Yes, I do socialize, See! I tried to prove a point to myself by linking to unknown people virtually over a smart-phone being utter dumb.


Since when? – It kept on ringing inside.

And I closed my eyes.

And what I could see was a mature, responsible, practical wife-mother-daughter in law-professor LOT.

I opened my eyes and pushed the question in background somewhere….


— “Ji Ganeshji ka pandal laga he to kuchh to farak dikh hi raha he. Dekhiyena Bhumikaben aajkal traditional dress pahenke aate he or bindi bhi lagate he.”

{ So, Wearing bindi and traditional dress is very important. Wearing values and being good human is not.}

— “ji vahi to, ab kuchh kuchh hamare jese lagte he..”

{Yes, its very much essential to be part of crowd! Being different is being alone and facing bullies.}

I faced this dialogue twice last week.

— “aaj aapko der ho gayi nahi? roz commute karti he, thak jati hongi nahi?”

{ I wish I can have a bord stating- Last seen at, just like one that whatsapp has! }

–“Ha par ghar ki to koi zanzat nahi he. Agar muje bhi ese 12 ghante bahar rahene ko mile to me to vacation me hill station pe jane ki demand tak na karu!”

{ And hence you dont qualify for the job, as its JOB not having fun on hill stations. }

I face this dialogue almost every 15 days.

— “Aapne samapancham/gaurivrat/karvachauth/ganeshchauth/(any vrat) nahi kiya? “

{ No, I have not. Hang me please! }

— “Aaap ne sachme vrat nahi kiya?” ** followed by looking at an alien look*

{No. Definately not. Sheet me direct at head please. }

I do face this set of dialogues on every festival/Vrat/What-so-ever!

–“Pata he aaj kya hua? Aapko kese pata hoga?” ** and stars vomiting gossip, when I am hell tired of 12 hours working**

{ Yes, I dont know. And tell you I dont wanna know. I prefer worrying about my surroundings and family than watchman, doodhwala or padosika beta. }

— “Ye kitabe lekar kya bethe rahete he, kabhi to aa ke gappe-shappe mariye hamare sathe!”

{**Holds books tightly and evaporates inside instantly! **}

I do get such not so lucrative offering dialogues too almost every week!

This was just from set of neighbours! The gifted Relatives make me blush more red.


— “Bhabhi, aap Whasapp pe nahi he?”

{ No, I am on earth! And happy to be here only.}

— “Bhabhi, aap zyada ghumne nahi jate, na to pictures dekhne jate he… Life me kuchh to entertainment chahiyena?”

{ My definition of entertainment is being with family.}

— “I just bought a new diamond ring- see! aapko ghahenoka shaukh nahi he kya?”

{ I prefer buying books than gold-diamond to put in bank-lockers. }

— “Beta, Why do you work? He earns more than enough and your father in law is going to inherit you enough wealth. stay at home and enjoy life!”

{ I work for my individuality and happiness. working is enjoyment for me!}

— “Bhumika, Have you taken leave for this-that-any-crape function? Last minute pe chhutti nahi mili esa bahana mat bahana!”

{ Damm, how can I miss such an interesting function! Have took leave before decade!}

— “Family functions me to Saree hi pahenni chahiye or ghar pe salwar kamiz. Apne sanskar, riti-rivaj bhi koi cheez he…”

{ I never knew Sanskar lies in cloths sole. I thought one can wear what’s comfortable at home at least!}

— ” When you go for job who takes care of Heer? Poor child! She needs you at home and you…”

{ Why don’t you move in at our place for few days to take care of my dotty! in place of pitying her you can help in a way.}

— “Bhumika, have a habit to call all relatives once in a while, you do job that does not mean you become socially passive!”

{ Yes, I will try! What else can be better entertainment than this?}


No, I am not trying to bitch about some one or sly on someone. My outburst is about- social bullying!

Being different do cost so high that one get frustrated about such fake-lame socialization.

Socialization should be- accepting one’s individuality and respecting the difference.

Making own choices, is paying for those choices too. And we are no one to target or bully someone for their different choice/priority/looks/preference/cloths.

If you want someone to be social or mingle with society-friends-relatives, STOP behaving anti-social to them on first step.


Yes I do work. I read lot. I write columns and blog. I write and direct dramas too. I argue lot. I ask many questions. I define my own right and wrong on my own and I even sometimes pay for that! I fumble in cooking. I hate shopping or gossiping. I cant bargain. I dont like pink. I prefer saying my views straight on any simple or controversial issue without feeling womanly-shy. Yes, at home I dress-up odd as per my comfort but My intellect is safe at my brain and my values too!

Perhaps, I am different than many of you. Perhaps my though processing is different too.

But I am also a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother.. A woman! Just like all of you!

Accept and respect one’s difference either move on! Please don’t bully!

Please don’t make Socialization so anti-social!

  1. It’s wonderful when conversations with bring out such honesty from us, isn’t it?

    Social bullying, although unfortunate, will probably never end. It’s just a way for people to mask their inferiority and shortcomings. And people who, like Jobs described, are round pegs in square holes, will always be at the receiving end of this.

    All the best Bhumika. Keep writing such heartfelt stuff!


  2. I felt like I am reading my own thoughts in every aspect. Some differences being I started writing blog (still amateure) and getting whole lot of time 4 reading only when I moved to Dubai 3 yrs back. I left my job n moving here got me more time to follow my passion.

    I had same question, but I was thinking it might b effect of staying in Dubai. But ur blog got me thinking.

    Happy reading ur blog.


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