Bhumika Desai Shah

“At your service Sir!” – When HE replaced HER

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on October 20, 2015 at 10:13 am

hh“Okay, can you please tell me everything in list, what all you expect me to do? And yes, also state how?”-She threw up finally!

“Don’t you start your drama now. You just don’t want to listen to anyone. Whoever advises you anything, you have issue with them all. You just don’t want to improve yourself!”-He said calmly.

“Yes I want to and I am putting all my efforts. cant you see? But I am fed up with instructions and expectations every second. I am not machine that can reboot/reprogram self every now and then. Decide what all you want and tell me once. Some day you want me to give priority to cooking, other day you want me to spend more time on dotty’s studies! I am supposed to be regular on job for the sake of five digit pay-cheque, I am expected to call all your relatives and be goodie-goodie all the now and then, I am expected to clean house and keep everything in place. I am asked to cook variety of food as per your changing mood and still you are never happy with my efforts. I am even expected to make kids sleep early so that I can serve you in bed too- that to according to your mood and wish. You know what? I am fed up. And I need vacation from this never ending duties assigned to me on name of one signature that I did on a paper-called marriage certificate!”-She yelled finally.

“Your wish. As such you are good for nothing. Whatever you are supposed to do, you perform miserable at it. So, your presence or absence as such don’t much matter. I will manage myself better ways! Fade up with your dramas, I have already ordered latest robot from Japan- that will perform household far better than you do! So, you sweet heart- take a long vacation and return on your own wish-will-whenever!”-He announced proudly as well as patiently.

** She left **

Next Day Morning::

“ROBO, be fast! I am getting late! give me tea.”-He shouted while getting ready.

ROBO – the robot followed the instructions and brought tea.

“ROBO, What the fuck is this? Don’t you know how to make tea? I fed instructions to your program! I like to have tea with more sugar.”-He shouted.

“Sorry Sir. Your health reports restrict me to add more sugar to your tea. You have to adopt having this tea only.”-Robot answered mechanically.

“I don’t give fuck to what you think. You are my slave and you have to do as I say. Erase all your data and just follow what I say- blindly.”-He instructed in high node.

“Okay sir. will follow only your instructions.”-The robot repeated and went back to make fresh cup of tea.

“Now, what is this? I said little more sugar! Taste this tea, it is so so much sweet. Are you trying to kill me?”-He sipped tea just once and blown off.

“I cant drink or eat sir. Sorry. Little-is no measurement Sir, please be specific in commands- so that I can serve better.”-The robot replied its issues.

“Leave, I will have tea at office. bring my bag.”-He ordered.

And within a minute, the robot came back holding ten different bags ranging from tracking bag to plastic bag.

“Oh God, You are unbelievable. I asked you to bring my bag!”-He repeated his last command with anger.

“Sir, all this bags belongs to you and hence are your bags. So I brought them all.”-The robot proved its smartness. frust

“Impossible! You are impossible! I asked you to bring my office bag!”-He shouted in much higher note.

“Sir, be precise in giving command to let me serve you better ways.”-The robot said in mechanical tone.

“Fuck off!”-He said in reply.

“To whom sir?”- The robot asked.

“Yourself-you good for nothing metal garbage. Now listen properly. I will return back by 6 pm. I will take hot shower and soon after it I will need cup of hot-tea with two spoon sugar- right on my table. In dinner I will prefer having salad and rice. Meanwhile you have to clean whole house and put everything in place. Noted?”-He said with extreme care and caution.

“Recorded sir. Have wonderful day ahead.”-The robot greeted and closed door.

** He went office. Kept busy whole day, forgetting about the morning chaos. Returned back at evening by six all tired and exhausted. **

“Good evening sir.”-The robot greeted him in.

“Good evening. Prepare tea while I am going for shower.”-He instructed and left.

“Hey Rama!”-Within few seconds he ran back out of bathroom in birthday suit.

“ROBO- Are you trying to kill me? Tell me who asked you to do so?”-He shouted with extreme anger.

“Sir, No one did. What happened?”-The robot asked politely.

“When I went for shower and hold the tap to make it on- it was hell hot. I have got burns here, see!”-He showed his right hand that had severe burns.

“Not my fault sir. Should I rewind your commands to remind what you instructed? You said you will like to have Hot- shower. So I coiled and made the shower hot enough for you. As you said Sir!”-The robot replied coldly.

“Fuck you asshole. You are shit of metal. Don’t you know meaning of Hot-Shower even?”-He asked all blown off.

“Sir, I knew it prior. But you only instructed me to erase all my data and blindly follow your words. I did what you said sir!”-The robot replied as it should.

“Why I am wasting my time talking to you? get lost!”- He shouted loudly.

** He got fresh, changed and went to study room to get some mental peace. **

As soon as he entered the study, He was shocked. His study room was well organized one with book racks at back and three study tables arranged in middle, one cosy table at one end and a stool at corner. And all the Tables-stool had a cup of tea on it. He was speechless and numb by now.

He said nothing. Took deep breath. And went to get asleep.

** Two more days passed on. **

By third fourth day, He got fracture in one hand, scars on head and was too exhausted to resume work and hence took leave.

He started missing his wife, with whom he behaved like a machine but in return she always been loving-caring. But his male ego restrained him by calling her and saying sorry.

He tried hard to cope up with the robot. His heart Cried for Wife’s love, care and concern. While the head warned that robot is machine and in few more days it will learn his habits and attics.

Long days, long nights, not just his heart, his body too started missing Her.

And reading the instruction manual properly he called the robot inside bedroom.

“ROBO, you have to…”- He started fumbling with words.

“Yes sir, Go On! What I have to do to serve you?”-The robot asked.

“You have to make love to me.”-He said in quick words.  

“Fuck off you moron! You metal garbage you are good for nothing! Why I am wasting time on you? fuck yourself and get lost!”-The robot replied in typical mechanical voice.

“How dare you? I asked you to love me and you are abusing me?”-He said with shock.

“Sir, since more than a week, I am getting all this love words from you. Hence making love means this to me- so I said. Should I continue making more love with you?”-The robot offered more help.

“I meant… I meant..”-He hesitated with words again.

“Be specific with your command sir, so that I can serve you better.”-The robot asked again.

“I need sex. what you can do to serve that? Can you suck it?”-He tried being straight as much as he could out of physical need and frustration.

“Suck what sir? Tell me what?”-He raised one more question out of nowhere.

** He goggled male body images and shown to the robot. **

“Sir, don’t you know name of your own body part? it is called Penis.”-It answered back showing broader scientific picture of penis.

“Shut the fuck up and just start sucking it.”-He was high all the ways and hence shouted to cut the crape.

** The robot started following instructions **

“Hell, what you are doing? Not that way. leave. leave it now!”-He was almost dead in few moments!

“Sir, the suction I am programmed to do is this much. You can calibrate as per your need. Shall I start Making Love with you once again?”- The robot asked mechanically.

He was out of words and mood all. All energy he had, he collected to make a call and utter few words-” Honey, I love you for being imperfect – insane – unorganized and hence for being human. Come back soon!”


  1. One word.. AMAZING 🙂


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