Bhumika Desai Shah

Archive for the ‘social Issue’ Category

Motherhood- What all you need to know!

In About ME, social Issue, Uncategorized on November 1, 2018 at 5:43 am

Image result for  baby blues after maternity

What is common between Serena Williams, Beyoncé and Me?

We are speaking out about post pregnancy trauma which is also called Postnatal depression, Baby blues or postpartum challenge. Know the difference between these possible depressions? have a look-

postpartum-depression_copy

Don’t google what these words mean if you don’t know it already! Let me explain it slowly..

Every woman dreams about motherhood and her babies at certain age. The traditions, cultural, society, movies, books- everyone has said fascinating experiences about being mother. Like-

“mother is as divine as God”

“The best feeling in the world is feeling your baby inside your body and holding baby in your hands first time!”

“Seeing your baby growing up is happiness. Spending time with your baby is divine!”

“A mother can sacrifice anything for her kid! ANYTHING!”

“After pregnancy a mother is born. She lives only for her kids. “

“A perfect mother creates a perfect and happy family!”

Above stated are just few glorified statements!

Just few!

We have heard sooooooo much about motherhood but we have heard only good-rosy side of it.

Has ever someone told a mother-to-be that-

“Life will be upside down after the baby!”

“You won’t ever again get sound sleep for coming 2-3 years. “

“Your priorities will change and you will have zero time for self, forget career or passion.”

“Your body will never be back as it was. Even after losing weight it will never be same as it was.”

“You will feel constant guilt for doing/not doing/not doing at par something or other thing for the baby!”

“You will be judged and labeled for everything baby does or does not do. “

The list can go loooong!

So in short we are never counseled about blues we will have to face after motherhood. So what?

So…

Every first time mommy goes through emotional stigma which even she don’t know exactly about.

Even after second child, mommies go through same distress. Why?

First- No fact sharing about troubles before and after delivery.

Second- No or little cooperation from family members in bringing up the little baby.

Talking about the first reason- what do you think, what all changed woman go through before/after delivery? Let me list few-

During 9 months of pregnancy- she does..

  • Gain lots and lots of weight
  • Her body changes and she goes through constant pain here or there
  • Countless sleepless nights make it worse
  • She can’t eat her favorite(even normal) food
  • She can’t continue doing all her normal/regular activities- slowly her motions starts getting restricted for the safety of baby
  • She is responsible to do yoga-Dhyan-read spiritual books to instill good values in soon-coming-baby. SHE ONLY!
  • She can’t take medicines if has headache-body ache or anything!
  • She has to stop having tea-coffee as it can give her acidity.
  • She is puke-ready everytime, ready to puke regardless time-place knowledge.

Fewwwwww- list is long. Though not every woman goes through same. Exceptions are also there!

Believe me it’s not easy to deal with them all. Have been through it twice.

Talking about second point- little or no cooperation from family front.

In our society-traditions raising a kid is a mother’s job. She is given the honor of GOD to make her understand she no more owns her life.

Feeding baby, changing nappies n-number of times, cleaning baby, bathing the little one, making baby sleep, soothing crying baby, playing with baby, helping baby learn things slowly- EVERYTHING HING. She is responsible to do everything. Worst is if the baby becomes ill, she is answerable!

It’s difficult. Most of the time families try to support but don’t provide adequate support. Most families advice the mother to be with baby 24*7 and they support by doing household duties. Or help little by playing with kid for few minutes till he/she starts crying loudly. We need to understand that the mother not just need bodily rest but also mental peace. She should be given some HER TIME. The time when baby is with some family member regularly and mother can do something she enjoys or just not-do-anything and chill. Families need to support by doing every bit they can do for baby as mother is already doing everything and only way to relax her is giving her some space and peace.

Other than above stated two topics what caused depression at core is judgments-comments-labels-gossips around the new mother. About -how she is failing being good mother, how she is not taking good care of baby, how she can’t calm her crying baby, how her baby is ill very frequent and she is careless about it, how she has started working or spending time on self despite having baby! I wonder they(read society!) will even worry when the mother breathes air as she could spend that energy-time for baby instead!

Serena Williams has talked about her agony on her Instagram page- how she constantly feels that she is not being a good mother or she is failing being a perfect mother. Same is story with Beyoncé. Alike I have also been through! I am sure many of you readers have experienced it but never discussed it in fear of being judged or labeled – not-a-good mother.

Ladies- it’s time to talk.

Talk about our pains and our emotional outbursts. It’s time to slam the “mother is god” –“Perfect mom”-“super mom”-“sacrificing mom”- all the labels back on their face. As we don’t seek their certificates and mother is human and entitled to all humanly feelings!

Let’s be Human only and stop being god, super mom or Balidan ki Devi for the sake of society.

Above all let’s take care of all mom-to-be or moms about to go through or going through this phase.

Image result for mother

Let’s spread facts and help fight the fury!

The bravest thing you have ever done!

In About ME, commuter's rage.., Learning Horizones, social cause, social Issue, Uncategorized on June 30, 2016 at 7:05 am

Yes, You read the title right.

No, I am not going to boast about my bravest act but I wish to share and spread courage with affirmation.

indexI had been on “Quora” since long but have been active since few months. Using different modes of Social Media platform I have noted positive perspectives of every SM. I am addicted to Twitter (find me on Twitter -> HERE) since long and it has been my only source of keeping up to date with current affairs/news/controversies/information – everything! I have left Facebook like ages ago and never missed it to be back. Since I left facebook, I kinda got rid of wishing happy birthday/anniversary/this/that to the ones who never cared for my existence or exit. I left thousands of friends to be with my few adorable buddies- books!

Quora-Thought-Leadership

And accidentally I met Quora one day ( Find me on Quora ->  HERE). Quora is a platform that is based on Questions and Answers. Now one must wonder that what shall be fun in such a social media?  I also had same feel earlier but since few months Quora has been kinda best buddy. I have been following strangers on Quora with interesting domains from compilers to relationship. And believe me, every time I open Quora, I find interesting answers that teaches something wonderful every time. Also I am glued to super interesting questions whom I answer as per my experience and expertise as per my ease. I keep many questions in “answer later” too! In short Quora inspires, helps, sorts and provides a creative way to invest time.

You must be thinking that why today I am doing this “Social Media Katha”?

Before a month or so, I came across a quora question- What is the bravest things you have ever done? and I had thought of writing something that had happened last year near Diwali. taking time out, I wrote the full episode that had been nightmare for months. A real long answer it was. I wrote it just to spread awareness and courage. surprisingly that answer got viral and had thousands of up-votes and hundreds of comments in just a day. I took care to answer each individual comment appreciating time they have invested in reading my such a long answer and sharing feedback too. I was overwhelmed by all the positive and motivating comments. The best experience was, I received so many private massages sharing their battles and adding that my story inspired them to fight back and stay strong. A student facing bully, A teenager girl facing eve teasing, a working mother victim of cyber bullying and many others said same- that they had taken this pain and suffering as their fate but after reading my story they decided to fight back and protect own dignity. I felt content, not for upvoted but for the message spread. Following is the link to that answer – which describes our(me and my two friends) battle to catch and get punished – a psychopath who was harassing more than 50 woman across Gujarat. Readers not only read such a long answer but also requested me to write the chase story- how police could spot the moron and how twitter helped us to get help from Smriti Iraniji and Anandiben Patel. I wrote the chase story and got the equal warm response. Strangers admiring truth, honesty and fight.

https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-bravest-thing-you-have-ever-done/answer/Bhumika-Desai-Shah

I was too occupied in responding to all messages and comments when something more surprising happened. The story took tall on social media in many possible forms, following are few –

One Tweet To Smriti Irani & NaMo Saved 50 Women From A Psychopath’s Harassment. Here’s How

ww.india.com/news/india/wow-smriti-iranis-prompt-reply-to-this-womans-tweet-got-a-serial-harasser-arrested-1260906/

And also Radio Mirchi approached me for an interview. (refer parts of Radio Interview here- https://clyp.it/user/jcs4inqj )

RJ Rahil been too decent and humble to take the interview in best possible ways and it was aired same day in a one hour duration spreading strong massage to fight back and hold courage.

The last hit was- my students. My students read the Quora answer and acknowledged it with pride and appreciation. They promised me to raise their voice against all modes of wrongs and fight back for protecting own dignity.

I am happy that I could spread courage and positivity. 🙂

Sex and Sin…

In commuter's rage.., social Issue, Uncategorized on April 27, 2016 at 9:38 am

I Know, I am best at what I do! My work pays off my living.. and hence, I must work wholeheartedly! – She was thinking within. She was a very professional lady. She was best at her profession and knew her value as well as professional attics very well. SHE, She can have any name! Let her be SHE!

She was on work-assignment again.. As everyday! But today was little different. She had no will to work today. She wanted to lock herself in her room with no one to bother. She had a huge fight with HIM this morning. After HIS call, She tried to move over the matter, but HIS words kept on moving within her!

SHE still remembered the list line-“Fuck off you bitch! You are a real whore and only good at fucking around! Good for nothing else! Go and Die- you slut!”

Every time She re-caped his words, She tried making self strong.

She entered the room. She got seated near his client of today, starting a formal conversation.  She looked at dim lights and….

***

“Enough is enough-you slut! Stop arguing. I am here to take decisions, you need not to use your narrow mind for that. Remember you are Good at only two things- sex and salary- use your skill their only! When I said you have to do this, You have to. No Ifs and Buts. Stop fucking around like an egoistic whore and learn to be an obedient wife! This is my house and If you cant follow my words, doors are open.”-He said in single breath. He was calm. He used this card of offending her self esteem every time he was out of any valid point. He knew She can never leave the house and him. He knew that for kids she will hold. HE knew for love-commitment-relationship, she will.

She uttered no word. Slowly she walked to bedroom.

She had a tough-long working day and at home this mess. She was habituated of all this humiliation. What pained her was- With every argue/fight/humiliation – the love/respect/truthfulness she had kept ignited within was fading.

She told kids a fairy tale. With every word of the story, she urged for some magic!

“I want coffee.”- He said. While she was telling kids story, he had already been in room. Waiting for kids to sleep perhaps, to raise his demands and rights.

She understood what he wants, but She was not ready for it.

“I want coffee. Cold coffee today with extra sugar. And I need it now.”-he ordered sinking back to his mobile screen.

She got his hints well.

“No force from my side. I cant force you! Its okay, if you don’t wish to…”-He didn’t finished the statement. He always used this trick and it worked every-time.

She turned lights off, slowly moved towards him and….

***

And

She slowly unveiled him. Gently, carefully, lovingly yet passionately! Her hands were moving on his naked body, playing the music he loved and longed for.. She bend down a little, allowing her body to lean on him. Her fingers caressed his hairs and her lips started conversations with his neck.

With closed eyes, The morning conversations popped out with the labels “whore, slut, ***”. Her tongue felt soar and her fingers froze..

She closed her eyes and reminded herself *Duties/Love/commitment/…*. 

She closed her eyes. She closed her heart and head too. 

And her tongue started exploring his bare back, tickling his nerves out. Her gentle kisses made him moan. His back and her lips, had a long beautiful conversation about making love.  He was laying like a king on the bed. She was making love, as she was asked to. And like a process, He turned around, to let her explore more of his body.

She closed her eyes. She reminded herself-*Duties/Love/commitment/…*

Her lips and fingers started playing with his every tissue, to make him feel loved. He was laying down, enjoying the process. Yes, the process.

For a moment, she had immense urge to kiss him. kiss him so deep that all his hatred evaporate and seeds of love blossom.. But, She didn’t, as He didn’t liked kissing any more.  She did “Exactly” everything that he loved and felt turned on with! For a moment, she urged for his touch, wanted his hands to…. -She blocked her imaginations too, and continued “the process”. Her lips, fingers and tongue served his body passionately. And as he loved/liked, She finished it too, with a blow job- a deep, wild one. Without any of his movement, effort, touch, participation- She made love to him. Single sided Love.

And  He was too high and exhausted to sleep in moments.

And it was impossible for her to sleep now.

She walked near window and look at the half moon. She ogled at the moon like she ogled at HIM. Not as process but with Love!

***

And she visualized him in front of her. She closed her eyes!

She was in some illusion, but she kept eyes closed to continue it.

He slowly walked to her, his fingers locked with hers. His and Her lags started moving in rhythm. He gently pushed Her towards the wall, where she rested steal. He moved too close to her that his breaths told Her- how much she was being missed! And He planted his lips on hers. The gentle and slow kiss went on to be deep, passionate soul touching kiss.

On her lips He left Freedom. On his lips She left Love.

* Mobile buzzed*

And She was dragged back to reality…

She looked at Him, having peaceful carefree sleep.

She closed her eyes. She reminded herself-*Duties/Love/commitment/…*

Tear drops silently ran over her lips, diluting the illusionary kissing marks.

She Bowed her hands and prayed The God almighty to forgive her *SIN*.

*SIN* to dream, *SIN* to seek love, *SIN* to seek Sex as well!

*Guilt*-She breathed guilt hence forth.

Who She was? a wife or a Whore?

 

“At your service Sir!” – When HE replaced HER

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on October 20, 2015 at 10:13 am

hh“Okay, can you please tell me everything in list, what all you expect me to do? And yes, also state how?”-She threw up finally!

“Don’t you start your drama now. You just don’t want to listen to anyone. Whoever advises you anything, you have issue with them all. You just don’t want to improve yourself!”-He said calmly.

“Yes I want to and I am putting all my efforts. cant you see? But I am fed up with instructions and expectations every second. I am not machine that can reboot/reprogram self every now and then. Decide what all you want and tell me once. Some day you want me to give priority to cooking, other day you want me to spend more time on dotty’s studies! I am supposed to be regular on job for the sake of five digit pay-cheque, I am expected to call all your relatives and be goodie-goodie all the now and then, I am expected to clean house and keep everything in place. I am asked to cook variety of food as per your changing mood and still you are never happy with my efforts. I am even expected to make kids sleep early so that I can serve you in bed too- that to according to your mood and wish. You know what? I am fed up. And I need vacation from this never ending duties assigned to me on name of one signature that I did on a paper-called marriage certificate!”-She yelled finally.

“Your wish. As such you are good for nothing. Whatever you are supposed to do, you perform miserable at it. So, your presence or absence as such don’t much matter. I will manage myself better ways! Fade up with your dramas, I have already ordered latest robot from Japan- that will perform household far better than you do! So, you sweet heart- take a long vacation and return on your own wish-will-whenever!”-He announced proudly as well as patiently.

** She left **

Next Day Morning::

“ROBO, be fast! I am getting late! give me tea.”-He shouted while getting ready.

ROBO – the robot followed the instructions and brought tea.

“ROBO, What the fuck is this? Don’t you know how to make tea? I fed instructions to your program! I like to have tea with more sugar.”-He shouted.

“Sorry Sir. Your health reports restrict me to add more sugar to your tea. You have to adopt having this tea only.”-Robot answered mechanically.

“I don’t give fuck to what you think. You are my slave and you have to do as I say. Erase all your data and just follow what I say- blindly.”-He instructed in high node.

“Okay sir. will follow only your instructions.”-The robot repeated and went back to make fresh cup of tea.

“Now, what is this? I said little more sugar! Taste this tea, it is so so much sweet. Are you trying to kill me?”-He sipped tea just once and blown off.

“I cant drink or eat sir. Sorry. Little-is no measurement Sir, please be specific in commands- so that I can serve better.”-The robot replied its issues.

“Leave, I will have tea at office. bring my bag.”-He ordered.

And within a minute, the robot came back holding ten different bags ranging from tracking bag to plastic bag.

“Oh God, You are unbelievable. I asked you to bring my bag!”-He repeated his last command with anger.

“Sir, all this bags belongs to you and hence are your bags. So I brought them all.”-The robot proved its smartness. frust

“Impossible! You are impossible! I asked you to bring my office bag!”-He shouted in much higher note.

“Sir, be precise in giving command to let me serve you better ways.”-The robot said in mechanical tone.

“Fuck off!”-He said in reply.

“To whom sir?”- The robot asked.

“Yourself-you good for nothing metal garbage. Now listen properly. I will return back by 6 pm. I will take hot shower and soon after it I will need cup of hot-tea with two spoon sugar- right on my table. In dinner I will prefer having salad and rice. Meanwhile you have to clean whole house and put everything in place. Noted?”-He said with extreme care and caution.

“Recorded sir. Have wonderful day ahead.”-The robot greeted and closed door.

** He went office. Kept busy whole day, forgetting about the morning chaos. Returned back at evening by six all tired and exhausted. **

“Good evening sir.”-The robot greeted him in.

“Good evening. Prepare tea while I am going for shower.”-He instructed and left.

“Hey Rama!”-Within few seconds he ran back out of bathroom in birthday suit.

“ROBO- Are you trying to kill me? Tell me who asked you to do so?”-He shouted with extreme anger.

“Sir, No one did. What happened?”-The robot asked politely.

“When I went for shower and hold the tap to make it on- it was hell hot. I have got burns here, see!”-He showed his right hand that had severe burns.

“Not my fault sir. Should I rewind your commands to remind what you instructed? You said you will like to have Hot- shower. So I coiled and made the shower hot enough for you. As you said Sir!”-The robot replied coldly.

“Fuck you asshole. You are shit of metal. Don’t you know meaning of Hot-Shower even?”-He asked all blown off.

“Sir, I knew it prior. But you only instructed me to erase all my data and blindly follow your words. I did what you said sir!”-The robot replied as it should.

“Why I am wasting my time talking to you? get lost!”- He shouted loudly.

** He got fresh, changed and went to study room to get some mental peace. **

As soon as he entered the study, He was shocked. His study room was well organized one with book racks at back and three study tables arranged in middle, one cosy table at one end and a stool at corner. And all the Tables-stool had a cup of tea on it. He was speechless and numb by now.

He said nothing. Took deep breath. And went to get asleep.

** Two more days passed on. **

By third fourth day, He got fracture in one hand, scars on head and was too exhausted to resume work and hence took leave.

He started missing his wife, with whom he behaved like a machine but in return she always been loving-caring. But his male ego restrained him by calling her and saying sorry.

He tried hard to cope up with the robot. His heart Cried for Wife’s love, care and concern. While the head warned that robot is machine and in few more days it will learn his habits and attics.

Long days, long nights, not just his heart, his body too started missing Her.

And reading the instruction manual properly he called the robot inside bedroom.

“ROBO, you have to…”- He started fumbling with words.

“Yes sir, Go On! What I have to do to serve you?”-The robot asked.

“You have to make love to me.”-He said in quick words.  

“Fuck off you moron! You metal garbage you are good for nothing! Why I am wasting time on you? fuck yourself and get lost!”-The robot replied in typical mechanical voice.

“How dare you? I asked you to love me and you are abusing me?”-He said with shock.

“Sir, since more than a week, I am getting all this love words from you. Hence making love means this to me- so I said. Should I continue making more love with you?”-The robot offered more help.

“I meant… I meant..”-He hesitated with words again.

“Be specific with your command sir, so that I can serve you better.”-The robot asked again.

“I need sex. what you can do to serve that? Can you suck it?”-He tried being straight as much as he could out of physical need and frustration.

“Suck what sir? Tell me what?”-He raised one more question out of nowhere.

** He goggled male body images and shown to the robot. **

“Sir, don’t you know name of your own body part? it is called Penis.”-It answered back showing broader scientific picture of penis.

“Shut the fuck up and just start sucking it.”-He was high all the ways and hence shouted to cut the crape.

** The robot started following instructions **

“Hell, what you are doing? Not that way. leave. leave it now!”-He was almost dead in few moments!

“Sir, the suction I am programmed to do is this much. You can calibrate as per your need. Shall I start Making Love with you once again?”- The robot asked mechanically.

He was out of words and mood all. All energy he had, he collected to make a call and utter few words-” Honey, I love you for being imperfect – insane – unorganized and hence for being human. Come back soon!”

lll

Have you noticed?

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on October 3, 2015 at 10:01 am

***

“Good Morning!”-A greet raised from background.

*** She ignored. ***

“Good Morning Ma’am!”-The greet became louder and specific.

“Good morning.”-She replied as plain as possible.

“Ki hal chal he? Kal late ho gaye the? Bus chhut gai thi kya?”-The chain of questions starts.

*** She ignored. ***

“Long weekend is coming. What are the plans?”-Again a question mark pops up.

*** She ignores. ***

“I must say your daughter looks just like you. Too cute. Hena?”-And the question-mark becomes more personalized.

*** She gives a forced smile, keeps silence. ***

Whoever invented headphones, saved many lives. And hence she plugged in headphones and tried to ignore whole surrounding real world.

The Mr. Question-mark intentionally seated besides her, to be more informal.

“Ma’am, I am out of change. Please chhutta dijiyena.”-the conductor requested politely.

*** She started searching for change in her sling bag. ***

“Mere pas change he. Lijiye kal return kar dijiyega.”-The Mr. Question-Mark offers help.

*** She gives warning in her look. And He withdraws help. ***

She emerges in Music, till she feels a tap on her shoulder.

Raising an eyebrow, She asks a loud question to the co-passenger Mr. Question-Mark.

“Ma’am, wo right side pe dikh rahi he.”-He hushes in low peach.

*** She takes out headphones. ***

“What?”-She asks raising eyebrows.

“Woh, rightside pe bahar dikh raha he..”-He repeated same avoiding eye contacts to her.

*** She realised WHAT he is talking about!***

“Kya?”-She asked to cut it straight.

“Ma’am, wo right soulder pe black patti stripe dikh rahi he bahar…”-He said looking at her like he saved her precious life and Izzat both.

*** She looked at him for a moment. ***

“Do you have it?”-She asked on little louder pitch.

“What?”-Now, HE was in some shock with the question.

“Aapke pas wo he kya?”-She repeated question in Hindi.

“Kya madamji..”-He asked impatiently.

“No. It seems you don’t have it.”-She said looking at him with pity.

“Ma’am, be straight. What you are asking- that I don’t have?”-He now asked it straight.

BRAIN. If you had been wearing your brain with you, It would have been visible just like strip of my bra.”-She said it straight, without word play.

*** He, feeling insulted stood up.. walked to next empty seat and relocated. ***

*** She put on her headphones without worrying much about that part of strip visible as her shoulder, as her visible brain made her strong not to. ***

***

Visible bra strip or a spot on her back- Have you noticed THAT?

Okay, is that so abnormal or naive?

Do wearing a bra or having spotting- makes her abnormal or different as dinosaur or mermaid?

No?

Okay than. Notice, forget , Move on. And if want to notice her, notice her through her qualities, manners and intellect.

She will never discuss or mention how visible your this-that(hip line, strip of ug, unbuttoned shirt etc) is!

As She is busy observing your brain, intellect, sense of humour and lot more- If you have THAT.

Socialization- why so anti-social?

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on September 23, 2015 at 4:26 am

“So, Besides books and blogs- how you see yourself?”-A blogger buddy asked while we were discussing over regular writing and all.

“Lot more! Books, Blogs, Music, Movies, and suffering at socialization- sums up Me.”-I replied being very honest.

The conversation ended with recommending books to each other. Somehow I closely connect with the souls who connect with books and blogging.

And my mind had started tickling from the last line.

Since when I started struggling in socializing? And I started revisiting pages of my own life, Like time travel.

***

And all I could see was-

A little chubby girl. A girl who always stood in top three in her class. A girl who enjoyed taking part in quiz, debates, elocution-this and that- everything. A girl who was always surrounded with lots of friends. A girl who adored her family and loves to visit cousins on every vacations. A girl whose parents felt high and proud for her. Outspoken, tomboyish, emotional, intellect girl.

Yes, She sounded to be social. * Past tense*

***

And with the bitter reality of past tense I came back to senses. And started thinking again- Since when I started struggling with socialization?

And while thinking the answer I checked my mails, replied back professionally. I also checked my Instagram and liked certain posts- not observing minor details or commenting on. I also checked notification on twitter and reverted back as required. Yes, approved comments on blog too. Answered few Quora questions too.

Yes, I do socialize, See! I tried to prove a point to myself by linking to unknown people virtually over a smart-phone being utter dumb.

***

Since when? – It kept on ringing inside.

And I closed my eyes.

And what I could see was a mature, responsible, practical wife-mother-daughter in law-professor LOT.

I opened my eyes and pushed the question in background somewhere….

***

— “Ji Ganeshji ka pandal laga he to kuchh to farak dikh hi raha he. Dekhiyena Bhumikaben aajkal traditional dress pahenke aate he or bindi bhi lagate he.”

{ So, Wearing bindi and traditional dress is very important. Wearing values and being good human is not.}

— “ji vahi to, ab kuchh kuchh hamare jese lagte he..”

{Yes, its very much essential to be part of crowd! Being different is being alone and facing bullies.}

I faced this dialogue twice last week.

— “aaj aapko der ho gayi nahi? roz commute karti he, thak jati hongi nahi?”

{ I wish I can have a bord stating- Last seen at, just like one that whatsapp has! }

–“Ha par ghar ki to koi zanzat nahi he. Agar muje bhi ese 12 ghante bahar rahene ko mile to me to vacation me hill station pe jane ki demand tak na karu!”

{ And hence you dont qualify for the job, as its JOB not having fun on hill stations. }

I face this dialogue almost every 15 days.

— “Aapne samapancham/gaurivrat/karvachauth/ganeshchauth/(any vrat) nahi kiya? “

{ No, I have not. Hang me please! }

— “Aaap ne sachme vrat nahi kiya?” ** followed by looking at an alien look*

{No. Definately not. Sheet me direct at head please. }

I do face this set of dialogues on every festival/Vrat/What-so-ever!

–“Pata he aaj kya hua? Aapko kese pata hoga?” ** and stars vomiting gossip, when I am hell tired of 12 hours working**

{ Yes, I dont know. And tell you I dont wanna know. I prefer worrying about my surroundings and family than watchman, doodhwala or padosika beta. }

— “Ye kitabe lekar kya bethe rahete he, kabhi to aa ke gappe-shappe mariye hamare sathe!”

{**Holds books tightly and evaporates inside instantly! **}

I do get such not so lucrative offering dialogues too almost every week!

This was just from set of neighbours! The gifted Relatives make me blush more red.

***

— “Bhabhi, aap Whasapp pe nahi he?”

{ No, I am on earth! And happy to be here only.}

— “Bhabhi, aap zyada ghumne nahi jate, na to pictures dekhne jate he… Life me kuchh to entertainment chahiyena?”

{ My definition of entertainment is being with family.}

— “I just bought a new diamond ring- see! aapko ghahenoka shaukh nahi he kya?”

{ I prefer buying books than gold-diamond to put in bank-lockers. }

— “Beta, Why do you work? He earns more than enough and your father in law is going to inherit you enough wealth. stay at home and enjoy life!”

{ I work for my individuality and happiness. working is enjoyment for me!}

— “Bhumika, Have you taken leave for this-that-any-crape function? Last minute pe chhutti nahi mili esa bahana mat bahana!”

{ Damm, how can I miss such an interesting function! Have took leave before decade!}

— “Family functions me to Saree hi pahenni chahiye or ghar pe salwar kamiz. Apne sanskar, riti-rivaj bhi koi cheez he…”

{ I never knew Sanskar lies in cloths sole. I thought one can wear what’s comfortable at home at least!}

— ” When you go for job who takes care of Heer? Poor child! She needs you at home and you…”

{ Why don’t you move in at our place for few days to take care of my dotty! in place of pitying her you can help in a way.}

— “Bhumika, have a habit to call all relatives once in a while, you do job that does not mean you become socially passive!”

{ Yes, I will try! What else can be better entertainment than this?}

***

No, I am not trying to bitch about some one or sly on someone. My outburst is about- social bullying!

Being different do cost so high that one get frustrated about such fake-lame socialization.

Socialization should be- accepting one’s individuality and respecting the difference.

Making own choices, is paying for those choices too. And we are no one to target or bully someone for their different choice/priority/looks/preference/cloths.

If you want someone to be social or mingle with society-friends-relatives, STOP behaving anti-social to them on first step.

***

Yes I do work. I read lot. I write columns and blog. I write and direct dramas too. I argue lot. I ask many questions. I define my own right and wrong on my own and I even sometimes pay for that! I fumble in cooking. I hate shopping or gossiping. I cant bargain. I dont like pink. I prefer saying my views straight on any simple or controversial issue without feeling womanly-shy. Yes, at home I dress-up odd as per my comfort but My intellect is safe at my brain and my values too!

Perhaps, I am different than many of you. Perhaps my though processing is different too.

But I am also a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother.. A woman! Just like all of you!

Accept and respect one’s difference either move on! Please don’t bully!

Please don’t make Socialization so anti-social!

Beep Beep Beep. Pardon, repeat, revise, UPDATE!

In commuter's rage.., Learning Horizones, social Issue on April 22, 2015 at 10:29 am

Alright!

I wanted to write this one since long and finally!

So, before writing about “swear words”, I asked myself, how about doing some homework on it? Though I have quite lot knowledge on swear words as working at Surat 🙂 .. Yet, I attempted to find out more- on swear words…And what I found?

Screenshot-1

I apologize if above screenshot has offended your sanity or civilization! 🙂

But I need a kind favor from you, if possible! No, you need not to abuse anyone or use swear words here. I am asking only favor that- brainstorm a little and let your treasure of swear words be refreshed.

Now, let me know how many swear words you know- which are neither based on woman/woman body parts nor on sex/sexuality?

Okay, I am waiting for your answer!

My point is clearly visible in above image.

Now, let me ask you one more question,

Why you utter a swear word/Gali?

Your obvious answer will be- Swear words are anger exhaust! When you are angry, frustrated, emotionally unstable, not well- you utter swear word to exhaust your inside bursts.

Famous Gujarati writer Chandrakant Baxi quoted-“Swear words are kinda emotional menstruation for Men.”

Yes, swear words/galis do help in relieving emotional outburst. Even doctors and psychotherapist agree to this fact that galis/swear words exhaust emotional trauma and lessens chances of heart attack.

Now, I have not written this post to promote usage of galis, as our civilization and social norms don’t consider usage of galis/swear words as decency.

My point lies in next question-

If you are angry with your friend Mr.XYZ, how you will abuse him?

indexYour obvious answer may lie in image besides or screenshot above!

And that’s point I object on!

I object!

I object!

Why?

My head and heart together process this issue as- when you are angry with Mr.XYZ and you have strong urge to abuse him, you actually abuse his mother/sister/wife! Why?

I object labeling woman as “Ghar ki only possible Izzat” or “Sole Pride and Respect of Family”.

Don’t MAN bare and wear self respect, self esteem, pride? If they do- abuse them on their personalized qualities you hate, target them- not woman of their family!

Woman don’t mean sole source/reason for Shame or Respect!

Second point where my head pinches is- Do you really feel shame for your sexual behavior, sexual orientation, sexual activities or as whole SEX?

ssIf no, why to abuse someone on sexuality and sexual body parts or sexual behavior?

Swear words associated with Sex has tabooed Sex the most.

Swear words associated with woman and sexuality- shows you are ashamed of them both!- Have you ever realized that?

Are you ashamed?

If yes, Shrink back to useless sperm and get back to your mothers holy womb!

If no, take a moment and think about future generations. When you inherit them culture, wealth, love… You inherit them misconceptions too!

Your Sexism over swearwords will make future generation degrade/devalue woman and sex.

Make your take!

Woman or Sex- neither is dirty or shameful!

Now, If you have got my point, your next question must be- if we eliminate all sexist swear words- what shall remain?

My answer is- create new swear words, keeping in mind that- If you are angry/frustrated with Mr. XYZ, you are bullying him over his qualities/weakness only!

lets try making new swear words!

** DailySoapiya : Person who watched too many daily soaps. 

** SocialKida : One who is 24 hours online on all social medias

** Dumbhead : the person who disobeys laws or dishonors others

** Chatcat : the one who chats even in sleep

🙂 I tried my creativity… Now float yours! Don’t forget to comment your views!

Let’s revise and update our treasure of Swear Words.

That “Girl” with short hair!

In About ME, commuter's rage.., social Issue on December 5, 2014 at 10:18 am

b1

What is that one thing- not so “Normal” about the pic on left?

{Let’s not point picture quality here!}

My question is- subjected to the Girl in the picture. What do  you find not-Girly/different/not-so-normal in this picture?

I bet you will answer- Short Hair!

The girl in the picture above, Apparently “Me” have experienced most illogical and silly advises and comments on my hairs, which made me write this post.

Let me state few of them with my reaction/answer { in italic and of-course brackets}.

***

— “Girls should have long hair. I love/like girls with long hair.”

{ Who cares about what you like? I am far beyond your SHOULD and HAVE TO, so keep it to you! }

— “Why don’t you try and have your hair long? it will look beautiful. and besides HE-your better half- likes long hair, so you should give a try!”

{ I certainly appreciate your concern, but its wasted on me! I define my “Beautiful” on my own.. Short hair, tattoo at neck, diamond pierced teeth, Geek specs, intense eyes, sharp and intellect brain- anything which appeals me is “my beautiful”. And if my better half really likes long hair, I don’t mind him having it. Believe me- I will appreciate him having long hair!}

— “You don’t understand how people out here perceive girls with short hair. Society take them as bold, available and forward ones. For decent and “Sanskari” look you should have long hair tied neatly in pony tail or choti.”

{ Who the hell wants to pretend being “Sanskari”? My morals and values are my inner qualities not at all on public display! And the society that labels a girl with short hair as slut or available, is the one who needs moral lessons- not me.}

— “You are always center of attraction when you have short hairs. Better have long hair that looks “Normal” and be a piece of crowd.”

{ “Normal”- is a relative term. Those who stare at girls with short hair/outfits are NOT NORMAL for me, will you teach them morals instead? Even If I will have long hair, I will stand apart from crowd as I have got that guts, intellect and independent self. Crowd may follow me..- I don’t mind, I am born leader!}

— “I got IT! You keep short hairs to maintain a style and fashion statement. Indeed I agree that short hair look SEXY. Isn’t that the reason?”

{ I prefer stylish brain over style framed body! And this short hair are part of me since when I could not even spell “Sexy”. }

***

I hope I have not bored enough– then continue reading below 🙂 .

But believe me these were just few! Few of the comments I face on regular bases for my short hair. Though I have never ever bothered more about what people think, But some how I found it is creating strong Stereotypea Negative one.

So this post- To express my stand and choice for having short hair.

This is me(Below in collage), Since Childhood I have been same with hair. {I repeat SINCE CHILDHOOD.}

BKS

I am An average middle class girl(an intellect one :p ), with short hairs. And my short hair are not at all symbol-statement of fashion style. Rather I count my short hair as my carefree attitude towards my physical appearance. Making attractive Hair do or having pretty hair style was never my cup of tea or area of interest. All I am concerned(while making my hair) is I should look civilized, that’s it. Since very small age, My relation with mirror or comb has been very casual. I rather prefer spending time with books, balcony and music to make my soul/brain sizzling-stunning-sexy!

I don’t comment that girls with long hair are not intelligent or beautiful(I personally like/love girls with long hair and attractive latest hairdo), My point is- I am poor in balancing beauty and brain. Maintaining long hair need lot of patience, commitment and time. Definitely not me, I can’t. All I can do with my hair is- a stroke of hair brush here and a stroke there- nothing more! I am too random about beauty care(even if I get 48 hours a day, I cant handle/care long hairs:p ) – and so I prefer Short Hair.

Short Hair, for me is symbol of freedom, Freedom from stereotype and prototypical beauty definitions.

Short Hair, for me is adoring self  and spending time more at other interesting-important stuff/activities/passion/hobby.

Short Hair, for me is realization and acceptance that I can only care-handle-maintain with grace this length hair, not longer.

Short Hair, for me is – simply myself, as I love to be!

Nothing more, Nothing less!

So, next time when you stare at any girl(woman) with short hair, think about “Freedom-Priority-Choice” of her-more than “Fashion-Style-Sensuality”.

 Yes, I have short hair and I have morals-values-life also- just like you all.

News, Views, Gossip- Where life offers you lemon and you are supposed to make lemonade always- their ways!

In commuter's rage.., social Issue on November 20, 2014 at 8:40 am

We had read/heard the news saying-

“Shweta Basu Prasad has been caught, arrested and lodged in special women’s cell for being part of a prostitution racket.”

And also had read so much Blah Blah Blah on Indian sanskriti, prostitution, Modern age girls and what not?

What we actually had to think upon is nicely presented in video below!

A 2.49 minutes video by team-Teen Pathars may help us to open our eyes!

***

Being Human, Being Normal- Being social slave?

In commuter's rage.., social Issue on November 20, 2014 at 8:08 am

***

If you have watched above video, I am very much sure you will re-think or re-format your views about LGBT community.

I wonder when we all are humans, who gave us right to categorize some one as “Not Normal” just on their sexual orientation or choice?

Following what all says, what the society formatted as rule- is not NORMAL me!

I am NORMAL when I can be myself, doing what I like, hanging out with people I love, breathing Freedom! 

If being society you are going to decide everything about someone- what to do/what not, where to study, how to behave, what to wear/what not, Whom to merry, whom to sleep with- what the word “FREEDOM” means I wonder!

I count those humans “Not Normal”, who live their whole life following what other’s says – being slave and never do anything what their heart says!

Accept- we all are same- choices may be different!

If you cant accept – “ you are ‘Not Normal’ – Go and get some life, I really pity you!

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