Bhumika Desai Shah

Posts Tagged ‘mother’

Motherhood- What all you need to know!

In About ME, social Issue, Uncategorized on November 1, 2018 at 5:43 am

Image result for  baby blues after maternity

What is common between Serena Williams, Beyoncé and Me?

We are speaking out about post pregnancy trauma which is also called Postnatal depression, Baby blues or postpartum challenge. Know the difference between these possible depressions? have a look-

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Don’t google what these words mean if you don’t know it already! Let me explain it slowly..

Every woman dreams about motherhood and her babies at certain age. The traditions, cultural, society, movies, books- everyone has said fascinating experiences about being mother. Like-

“mother is as divine as God”

“The best feeling in the world is feeling your baby inside your body and holding baby in your hands first time!”

“Seeing your baby growing up is happiness. Spending time with your baby is divine!”

“A mother can sacrifice anything for her kid! ANYTHING!”

“After pregnancy a mother is born. She lives only for her kids. “

“A perfect mother creates a perfect and happy family!”

Above stated are just few glorified statements!

Just few!

We have heard sooooooo much about motherhood but we have heard only good-rosy side of it.

Has ever someone told a mother-to-be that-

“Life will be upside down after the baby!”

“You won’t ever again get sound sleep for coming 2-3 years. “

“Your priorities will change and you will have zero time for self, forget career or passion.”

“Your body will never be back as it was. Even after losing weight it will never be same as it was.”

“You will feel constant guilt for doing/not doing/not doing at par something or other thing for the baby!”

“You will be judged and labeled for everything baby does or does not do. “

The list can go loooong!

So in short we are never counseled about blues we will have to face after motherhood. So what?

So…

Every first time mommy goes through emotional stigma which even she don’t know exactly about.

Even after second child, mommies go through same distress. Why?

First- No fact sharing about troubles before and after delivery.

Second- No or little cooperation from family members in bringing up the little baby.

Talking about the first reason- what do you think, what all changed woman go through before/after delivery? Let me list few-

During 9 months of pregnancy- she does..

  • Gain lots and lots of weight
  • Her body changes and she goes through constant pain here or there
  • Countless sleepless nights make it worse
  • She can’t eat her favorite(even normal) food
  • She can’t continue doing all her normal/regular activities- slowly her motions starts getting restricted for the safety of baby
  • She is responsible to do yoga-Dhyan-read spiritual books to instill good values in soon-coming-baby. SHE ONLY!
  • She can’t take medicines if has headache-body ache or anything!
  • She has to stop having tea-coffee as it can give her acidity.
  • She is puke-ready everytime, ready to puke regardless time-place knowledge.

Fewwwwww- list is long. Though not every woman goes through same. Exceptions are also there!

Believe me it’s not easy to deal with them all. Have been through it twice.

Talking about second point- little or no cooperation from family front.

In our society-traditions raising a kid is a mother’s job. She is given the honor of GOD to make her understand she no more owns her life.

Feeding baby, changing nappies n-number of times, cleaning baby, bathing the little one, making baby sleep, soothing crying baby, playing with baby, helping baby learn things slowly- EVERYTHING HING. She is responsible to do everything. Worst is if the baby becomes ill, she is answerable!

It’s difficult. Most of the time families try to support but don’t provide adequate support. Most families advice the mother to be with baby 24*7 and they support by doing household duties. Or help little by playing with kid for few minutes till he/she starts crying loudly. We need to understand that the mother not just need bodily rest but also mental peace. She should be given some HER TIME. The time when baby is with some family member regularly and mother can do something she enjoys or just not-do-anything and chill. Families need to support by doing every bit they can do for baby as mother is already doing everything and only way to relax her is giving her some space and peace.

Other than above stated two topics what caused depression at core is judgments-comments-labels-gossips around the new mother. About -how she is failing being good mother, how she is not taking good care of baby, how she can’t calm her crying baby, how her baby is ill very frequent and she is careless about it, how she has started working or spending time on self despite having baby! I wonder they(read society!) will even worry when the mother breathes air as she could spend that energy-time for baby instead!

Serena Williams has talked about her agony on her Instagram page- how she constantly feels that she is not being a good mother or she is failing being a perfect mother. Same is story with Beyoncé. Alike I have also been through! I am sure many of you readers have experienced it but never discussed it in fear of being judged or labeled – not-a-good mother.

Ladies- it’s time to talk.

Talk about our pains and our emotional outbursts. It’s time to slam the “mother is god” –“Perfect mom”-“super mom”-“sacrificing mom”- all the labels back on their face. As we don’t seek their certificates and mother is human and entitled to all humanly feelings!

Let’s be Human only and stop being god, super mom or Balidan ki Devi for the sake of society.

Above all let’s take care of all mom-to-be or moms about to go through or going through this phase.

Image result for mother

Let’s spread facts and help fight the fury!

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